Well, that was interesting.

Braden and I slaughtered and processed our first two chickens this morning. Of course, it didn't go quite as planned. I took a few pictures for the blog, but I have to wait until the card reader comes back from the shop tonight to post them. For now, I'll just list a few things I learned from today, so I won't forget them in the future, and also list some random chicken slaugherin' facts so you can wow your friends at parties (and then watch them throw up):

1) In the future, chickens need to be slaughtered outside of the garage. We did the deed inside, because we live in a neighborhood and not in bum fuck. However, despite me having a bleed bucket and a large tarp, blood managed to get all over the white garage door and floor.

2)If blood splatters on something that you don't want it to, clean it up immediately. If you don't, it will coagulate in just a few minutes, and it really really sucks to clean up later.

3)Braden and I both learned that it doesn't seem any more humane to stun your chicken first before cutting it's throat. I won't go into details, but the first rooster did not have a good time.

4)Despite what some people say, 140-150 degrees is too hot too to scald your dead chicken in. When the water is too hot, the chicken's skin will tear upon plucking. On the second chicken, I scalded at just around 130 degrees for more than 30 seconds, and there was very very minimal tearing(which probably came from my oaf hands).

5)Once the chicken is out of the scalder, pluck that bastard quick!

6)Guts are stinky. Smelled just like the raccoon guts back in the fall, so I am going to make the assumption that all guts smell like that.

7)I am a pussy. Braden was much much better at killing the chickens.

8)Have a chair handy. And some coffee. Plucking pin feathers is tedious work.

9)Even though I didn't believe the websites I had read, chickens do in fact have hair. A grill lighter is wonderful for singeing these off.

10)Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution is delightful to listen to on the laptop while you eviscerate your fowl. That show is pretty douchey, but it helps you remember why you're cutting an anus out of a chicken.